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He smiled at me and I politely returned the smile. Like most men, I spend the time in the locker room naked or wearing only a small towel. Whenever this man and I are in same area, I always sense him staring at me. I find this kind of attention particularly invasive and want to confront him, but he is an older gay man and I get the sense that he is lonely. My girlfriend argues that I should say something in a way that allows him to save face.

Is she right? Many people use the gym as a place to flirt including lots of straight guys hitting on women.

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I crowd-sourced your question on my Facebook page and was taken aback by some of the responses:. Some even took license to actually blame you: Really, people? First of all, courts have found that ogling can be a legitimate form of sexual harassment. Although most cases have involved men leering at women, it takes only a bit of gender bending to make you realize that this kind of behavior, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, is disrespectful, degrading — and just plain rude. Age is another factor here.

Older gay men can find themselves in a similar pickle: Gazes that linger too long may reinforce stereotypes of them as predators, creating fear and sometimes violence in young straight men and the parents of young boys. Yes, he needs to be called out. How to do that in a non-confrontational way that allows him to save face?

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