How to have the best gay sex
While his tutelage never stuck, he might be surprised to learn that I still grew up to be a hunter. All I need is a drawstring shoulder bag carrying my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a douching bulb for emergency visits to the nearest bathroom. Depending on the environment — a dive bar versus a dance club, a bathhouse or a play party — I might be wearing more clothes or less, but the target is the same: As gay men, a good portion of some of our lives will be dedicated to the art and craft of anal sex.
It is one of my favorite ways to pass an evening and one of the most enjoyable parts of my life. At its best, bottoming is a mind-blowing and carnal experience that feels really good.
At its worst, it is painful and unpleasant. Clearly there is a right and wrong way to do it, and a learning curve — few guys start off as bottoming champions. You need years of practice, and sometimes you need tips from someone who knows what he is doing. Enjoy the ride. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.
I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. Those who are sensitive regarding frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more?
The Gay Man's Good Sex Guide
My vegetarian friends say that they hardly need to clean before sex — they simply use the bathroom and are good to go. This is because they consume a high fiber diet, which cleanses the colon. Meat-eaters like myself benefit from fiber regimens like daily Metamucil or Benefiber to keep our runways clear.
In my experience, the best fiber regimens are those that come in powder form that you mix in a glass of water, and most contain psyllium husk — a natural fiber with multiple health benefits. Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form.
I have not had the same good results from fiber capsules as I have from Metamucil, but some guys might. Metamucil is part of my daily routine.
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Loose, runny stool is a nightmare to clean out. Make sure you drink plenty of water to stay hydrated — something every healthy person should do anyway. These men are mysteries to me. I respect them the way I respect firefighters and contortionists. I cannot quite believe they can do what they do, but they do it nevertheless.
I always have to make sure things are good down there before having sex. So while a finger check might be convincing for some, I always fear there may be stuff further up. This is why I almost always clean out beforehand. Some consider it an acceptable occasional practice to relieve constipation, but most would frown at the idea of douching as frequently as every week or more.
I choose to clean frequently because I like to have mess-free anal sex, and have not had any problems from excessive douching. Most guys have different cleaning methods depending on the kind of sex they want to have. Most guys begin cleaning in the shower with water and a finger, and for some that is enough. Many guys move on to using a douching bulb or enema. This works for most guys too, although douching bulbs and enemas will not clean your ass as deeply and thoroughly as hoses and shower attachments can.
I use a hose — a shower attachment with a short, smooth nozzle — with slightly warm water and low pressure high pressure is not recommended — ouch. These different cleaning methods have different benefits and different risks which I will go into in the following slides. You should never rush the cleaning process, especially if you are a beginner. Cleaning out is more than putting water up your butt. A good douching bulb will have a large rubber bulb and a smooth plastic nozzle.
If you use one in the shower, lube up the nozzle with silicone lube, which will not wash off in water. Gently and slowly stick the nozzle up your butt and gently, slowly squeeze the bulb. Hold the water in your ass for a few seconds, then relax and release it into the toilet. Chances are good that you will need to do this more than once. I know some guys who are good to go after one squirt.
Since I prefer rigorous sex, I will usually douche three times at least. I cannot stress this enough: Do not rush it. Not only can you hurt yourself if you rush the process, but a rushed cleaning job will probably not get you completely clean.
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After some practice, you will discover a frustrating truth: If you have time, clean once, then wait about thirty minutes and clean again. The trick with cleaning with a douching bulb is to hold the water in your butt for a few seconds. I do body squats in the shower to push the water up a little deeper. That same rule of thumb does not apply to cleaning out with a hose or shower attachment. When you use a hose, relax your ass and let the water run out freely.
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Do not try to hold it in. Make sure the water is moderately warm, not hot, and relax your butt. Hold the nozzle in for a few seconds, allowing the water to run out gently, then pull the nozzle out. Repeat until clean. Douching with a shower attachment gets me a more thorough clean, typically faster than with an enema.
I stole my first nozzle a smooth, stainless steel one from a shower room at the Armory in San Francisco — the filming studios for Kink. Since then, I have used nozzles that are longer, slender, and made of smooth PVC or rubber that clean deeper. I must caution that these are for more advanced bottoms. Deep cleaning is not without its health risks more so than cleaning your ass with an enema but it gets me better prepared for hours of hard sex, ass play with big toys, and fisting.
You could say that my pleasure focus point has shifted from my dick to my butt. I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. The opening and closing of this muscle on its own can be very erotic. I discovered this sensation through toy play.
When my ex-boyfriend and I decided to start playing with toys, I discovered sensations that I had never experienced before. He started pushing a small butt plug in my ass during foreplay, and I learned that the feeling of being opened can be just as intense as being fucked. Toy play has made me a better bottom and, for many guys, is the gateway to becoming more comfortable with sex. Toys open you up and get you used to the feeling of penetration at your own speed.
Most of them are too hard, and many of them have a rough, porous texture.